dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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