party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
