Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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