her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
