Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
