i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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