I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's even glitter on my cock...
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