I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
