Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
