So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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