God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
