She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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