guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
