How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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