Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize