it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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