He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
MIDGETS
????
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
