I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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