Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
