I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
