Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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