I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
