yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
