he puts the penis in happiness.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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