i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
