It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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