have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize