Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We had sex on a dog bed..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
