Whod you bang
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
