Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My balls are so social today.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
