My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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