No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
