Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
