I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
