I think i peed on brittanys purse
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
