Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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