OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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