kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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