I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
