I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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