I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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