Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
