hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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