Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
