In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize