from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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