Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
