she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
