You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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