Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
