He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
