Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize