I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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