so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
