I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
