It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
