What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
