I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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