If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
