dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize