In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
