everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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