Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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