So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
