I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
