Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
